Plaese follow this link to the Wikipedia page on substance abuse, and look up gambling and domestic abuse too....
Here are some links to what I
hope can help you if you or
someone you know needs it:
E-MAIL ME ONLINE @
Scotty@DSPGandalf.net
I thought I'd say a little about the effects of alcohol and drugs on a personal level.
Coming from a long history of substance abuse I think I know a little about it.
My mom had a lot of trouble with alcohol when she was younger and it lead to
drunken beatings, nights when she wouldn't come home, divorce and finally losing
custody of my sister and me. It took a long time for my mom to get it together
but in the end it didn't matter, the damage had been done.
I think the thing that scared me the most was the rage she would go through when
she was drunk, the way her face would contort, arms flying at me, the pain and
confusion I felt--the raw fear. It came to a point that I would wish she would never
come home. Finally that wish came true; one night she came home very late and drunk
and my grandmother wouldn't let her in so my mom threw a rock through the back door
window hitting my grandmother with flying glass cutting her. That is what led to
my grandmother getting custody of us.
When my mother was drinking she made a lot of poor decisions and that inevitably
led to her severe depression at which time she came to a decision that she wanted
to change her life and that led her to the doors of AA.
It worked for her and it's kept her sober for some years now. She's still not such
a great person, but that's the way she is.
I don't like my mom that much, sometimes not at all, she's very critical of people
and she's not afraid to openly belittle people in front of others. It's not very
helpful to the situation wether she's right or wrong (and she's usually wrong). But
it proves a point, you don't have to be clean and sober to be a good person, plenty
of people use, but are good at heart, they really can't help the way they are. I
know, I'm a good person who's done a lot of harm to others who love me (and loved me),
because of my drug use I've lost so much so many times and I kept falling back to
the same thing. I was not satisfied unless I was high! And that has followed me most of
my life.
You know, it doesn't matter that I meant well, I always put my drug use before the
people that mattered. I couldn't comprehend the significance of the pain I was causing.
I thought I was omnipotent, that the world revolved around me, because I, being a victim
of life was entitled to my way. I didn't see it until recently but now I feel the pain
of the ones who loved, trusted, relied on me--I took and took and took and gave back
nothing but heartache in return. I miss the love, unconditional, that past loves and
friends gave to me...and now their gone (all my fault) and I miss them greatly.
Drug use is self destructive, (it kills, lost so many friends) self defeating
and insane behavior and it leads to terrible places. I've been stabbed and robbed,
and done some terrible things of my own to get what I wanted. Having a good heart
does not mean you won't do what it takes to get what you need when you need it.
And when you need it it doesn't matter who you hurt. I've hurt so many, and the
pain that touches my heart when I think of them and what I did to give them that
pain will stay with me forever....
To think that when I was young I said I'd smoke pot to the day I died--if I only
knew then what I know now. Maybe I wouldn't even have tried it. Go-fig!
I don't know about you, but getting high is fleeting, you take a hit, do a line,
take a drink and in the end you fell like shit! Just to do the same, stupid thing
all over again. And when you think about it, in the end, it was pretty stupid.
So, I thought I'd put together a page on the effects of alcohol and certain drugs.
Just follow this link, if you don't think doing drugs and drinking are harmful (The Big Lie),
besides the effects on the ones you love, then see for yourself. Oh', and check out my poem below:
Woe lost lives to retched ill,
Broken dreams and no more will
Day's blur by, the fractured nights
Of empty pockets, to our frightful
Innocence spent for just a fin, or 'lucky two
But come what may, we may make do
On broken promises, and cheapest thrills
And try to get off on just a few
Bloody needles and blackened tubes
And the dangers mount, two by two
And AID's had 'B' and then had 'C'
Yet it's thoughtless, heartless and empty
Sleepless nights, in the trenches
Pale, cold and sickly, on lonely benches
We beg for death, but he cares neither
So fraught and desperate we search with fever
To beg and barrow, and most certainly steal
For that moment's rush, for that moment we feel
Something other then sorrow, something other then pain
For in that moment, and although it's not real
We've gone to a place were which we can deal
And then it's all over, and still we want more
And even God can't help us, walk away from that door
So, I say all you people, I say, listen well…
Before you lose your lives, to our Beloved Retched Ill….
I wrote this poem while I was sitting in jail in Connecticut. I had just come off a long crack run and was feeling inspirational, and very depressed, and it just came to me. It took about a day to work it all out, but by the end of the day I felt that my poem had summed it up pretty well: Life sucks on drugs as well as off of them and it's hard when you are me to live either way. But in the end, life without them is much better then life with them for you can accomplish so much more, and be at peace with yourself and the world....
For any help or questions please follow this link to: help@DSPGandalf.net e-mail.
I'd also like you to visit the "Lord of the Rings" section of the Wikipedia site.
And visit the site-blog and give me the input I need to make this site something special!
